The Shroud of Turin is ridiculously and obviously fake

I find it a bit curious how seriously so many people, even many atheists and skeptics, take the Shroud of Turin. Obviously most skeptics don't believe that it represents the body of Jesus himself and instead it originates from the Middle Ages (with carbon dating putting it somewhere in the 1300's, give or take), but they still don't seem to have much problem or skepticism in believing that it's likely a real impression of a real body (although, to be fair, there are also those who believe that it's just a hand-made painting and nothing more.)

It's actually a bit unbelievable how many people believe that it's the actual real impression of a real human body, given how obviously fake it is.

As a side note (and somewhat unrelated to how obviously fake it is), the vast, vast majority of people don't even know what the entire cloth looks like and how the impressions are placed on it. The entire original cloth looks like this:

If it was covering a body, it would mean that the body was laying on top of it on one half, and then it was folded over his head on top of him, like a blanket.

Most people think that the shroud was actually wrapping the body, but it's quite obvious that it wasn't. Even if it was covering a real body, it was just laying flat on a surface, like a sheet, with the body on top of it, and the upper half folded over to cover it, like a blanket. The shroud was not wrapping the body.

This is, rather obviously, not under dispute, as it's extremely obvious from the shroud. It's just curious how few people know and understand this, and instead assume that the cloth was wrapping the body tightly.

Likewise few people are wondering what exactly are the human-shaped stains made of. They rather obviously assume it's blood, but they don't stop to think how unrealistic that is. It would mean that the body would have been completely covered, from head to toe, all of it, in fresh blood, at least fresh enough to permanently stain the cloth.

Believers in the authenticity of the cloth, and Jesus himself, never stop to think how impossible that is. According to the scriptures Jesus was kept on the cross after his death for several hours at minimum. Blood coagulates quite quickly and doesn't stay fresh for that long.

Also, at which point was this cloth used? Most people assume that it was probably used to wrap Jesus's body in the tomb. They forget that according to the narrative his body was washed before putting it in the tomb. Thus, even if we were to entertain the idea that this was used to wrap the body of the real Jesus, at which point did this happen? It would have been several hours after his death, after he had been taken down and his body transported somewhere else.

Analysis of the stain appear to strongly suggest that, at a very minimum, the original stains were enhanced and expanded using a mixture of red ochre and a gelatin medium, which was a common paint in the Middle Ages. While some experts dispute this, I think that it's pretty much certain.

But none of this makes the shroud "ridiculously and obviously fake". Even if it's from the medieval period rather than two thousand years ago, it could still be genuine in the sense that it was used to cover the real body of someone.

Let's examine more closely why it's ridiculously and obviously fake. In particular, let's examine the face:

This is a picture of the stains on the original cloth, and a digitally enhanced version of its negative, which emphasizes the details in the original.

Am I seriously expected to believe that a cloth placed on top of someone's face, said face covered in something (supposedly blood), is going to leave that many intricate details on the cloth? Eyelids perfectly lined, the sides of the nose perfectly lined and shaded, lips, moustache perfectly delineated, eyebrows and forehead perfectly shaded, cheeks perfectly delineated and shaded, and somehow long hair (apparently also soaked in blood?) leaving just the perfect impression on the cloth, all the way from the top of the head to the tips near the neck, not spread out, apparently not affected by gravity, no gaps, nothing? Are you seriously telling me that even the eyelashes of the closed eyes left a distinct impression in the cloth? That the gap between the bottom of the eyelids and the cheeks got so perfectly impressed into the cloth?

Also note the differences in shading, in how dark the stains are. The digitally enhanced image emphasizes this, but if you examine the original closely, you can see the different shades of darker and lighter areas there as well. Am I seriously supposed to believe that a cloth placed on top of a face (apparently soaked in blood for some reason) is going to leave these differently-shaded stains on the cloth, with for example the cheeks gently fading from darker to lighter, as if the face had been illuminated from above? Am I seriously supposed to believe that the nose has just the perfect shading, as if it had been illuminated from above and slightly from the right? Am I seriously supposed to believe that the underside of the eyebrows are perfectly shaded as if the face had been illuminated from above?

This is so obviously painted by hand that it isn't even funny.

The rest of the body isn't much better, although the face is the epitome of how obviously fake this is, because of all the minute tiny details that would absolutely not be that detailed if it had just been a sheet of cloth placed on top of a face covered in blood. You can even see individual fingers, and parts of the body that would not have been touched by the cloth if it had just been placed on top of it.

There are many other problems that can be pointed out as well, such as for example the curious fact that even though the entire body was supposedly covered in blood, there are literally zero signs of this blood dripping to the back part of the cloth. Apparently all this fresh blood, so fresh that it could paint the cloth, did not flow and drip to the part of the cloth that was under the body.

Curiously and funnily, the fact that the shroud includes the part that was under the body is a clear testament that the body was quite clearly not soaked in blood, or any other substance that would flow and drip onto that section that was supposedly under the body.

It is very likely that someone deliberately created the cloth. It might have been a deliberate hoax, or it might have been for genuine purposes, like a so-called death mask (assuming it was created from a real body and not a statue). It's quite clear that whoever created it painted the body with some paint and then put the cloth on top of it and pressed it against it in order to create the impressions, and then extremely likely retouched the end result to enhance the details.

Either way, it should be extremely obvious that it was a deliberate painting, even if it was based on a real body, not just a cloth placed on top of a dead body that just somehow miraculously happened to get such a perfect impression of the body.

And, rather obviously, given that it is quite clearly either a "death mask" of sorts, or some kind of deliberate hoax, it cannot be from the body of Jesus (assuming he even existed in the first place.)